“A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.” – Steve Martin, Celebrity
Hey Appliance Fans,
This is my third installment of celebrity kitchens and I’m feeling the pressure to make this entry just as snarky and mean spirited as my other ones. Believe it or not, making fun of people is hard work despite my Irish bitterness. If you’ve read the first or second article, then you know Viking was the winner in most of the kitchens we looked at. The Viking trend continues with Sub-Zero and Wolf making a splash. So without further ado…
Founding member of the brat pack and star of many cancelled TV shows and crappy movies. Actually, now that I think about it, he’s been in a lot of great movies like Wayne’s World, Tommy Boy, and Austin Powers. Ok, so they’re not Oscar winners, but still fun movies nonetheless. What a career! I mean, this guy was having sex tape scandals in the 80’s waaaayyyy before it was hip to do so. I’m looking at you Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.
I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Rob because he was in one of my favorite shows of all time: The West Wing. Anyway, let’s take a peek into his kitchen and find out what’s going on:
Heeelllloooo Sub-Zero and Wolf! There’s a lot going on here so let’s break it down starting with the 60” all gas Wolf Range in the background. There’s a hood insert above the range which we’ll assume is Wolf as well. On the left wall we see a Wolf microwave with trim kit, a single `L` Series oven, and a warming drawer with pro handles. In the island Rob, or more likely his designer, stashed some Sub-Zero refrigerator drawers and a dishwasher. I can’t say for certain which dishwasher he has, but my best guess is that it’s an Asko. On the right side of the shot we see the mother of all refrigerators: Sub-Zero’s Pro-48 with glass door. Folks, that’s 850 pounds of refrigerator (the entire right side) and freezer (the entire left side). The interior is completely stainless steel and boasts tons of capacity. If you ever want to see this in person, we have it displayed in our showroom.
As much as the celebrity kitchen series is about being snarky, I can’t say anything mean about Christina. She’s an angel and one of my all-time favorites—great voice and great to look at. She can do no wrong in my book unless you’ve see some of the outfits she’s been wearing as a judge on NBC’s The Voice. I’m no stylist and apparently her stylist isn’t either. Sheesh. A little fun fact about her kitchen: it used to be the Osbourne’s kitchen. You know, as in Ozzie Osbourne—the dark lord of heavy metal and an I-can’t-understand-a-freaking-word-he-says accent. Shall we see what’s in her kitchen? Of course we shall!
It’s a hybrid kitchen of Viking and Sub-Zero! There’s a 60” inch Viking range all the way in the back and let’s assume that there is a Viking hood insert providing ventilation. Look at the refrigeration. What you’re seeing is a 36” Sub-Zero all freezer on the left and a Sub-Zero 36” all refrigerator on the right. That’s some serious capacity and obviously a serious statement assuming the “statement” above the range isn’t good enough. It took me about ten minutes to figure out that it spelled “Apopcalypse” using famous fonts from iconic symbols of American culture. No lie. Check it out: the `ca` is clearly from Campbell’s Soup and the `s` is the font on the cover of Superman comics. Side note: if you haven’t figured out that I’m a nerd by this point, now you know. Either way, the whatever-you-want-to-call-it above the range looks like Andy Warhol and Lady Gaga had a love child that grew up to be a kitchen designer. Fail. BUT, as I mentioned before, Christina can do no wrong so I would proudly stand beside her even with this kitchen. The Viking range helps a lot.
If actors were like race horses, Ms. Paltrow would be a thoroughbred. No, I’m not calling her a horse. I’m saying that she is 100 percent pure Hollywood. Her mother is actress Blythe Danner and her father is director/producer Bruce Paltrow. Don’t forget that she’s won a Screen Actor’s Guild Award, Golden Globe, and an Academy Award for her performance in Shakespeare In Love. Yeah it was a good movie, but I couldn’t stop thinking that people had horrible hygiene back then and everyone in London must have smelled absolutely awful. I digress. When she’s not co-starring in quite possibly the best comic book movies ever made (Iron Man I & II) and naming her child “Apple”, she’s busy cooking. Seriously. She named her kid Apple. With facts like that, making fun of her is a piece of cake! By the way, I CHALLENGE you to find a bad picture of Ms. Paltrow on the internet. Go ahead, I’ll wait…….nothing? That’s what I thought. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got in her kitchen.
Another hybrid kitchen and this is a serious hybrid kitchen. Starting all the way in the back is a 60” Viking range with griddle and grill and the high-shelf backsplash. We see yet another hood insert providing ventilation so let’s assume that it’s a Viking as well. Check out what I think is a Viking toaster on the counter to the left of the range. On the right side of the counter is what appears to be a Cuisinart Griddler. I know this because I have one so there’s my six degrees of separation from Ms. Paltrow complete in one degree instead of six. Next to the sink looks like a Miele dishwasher. On the left side of the picture we see quite the setup. At the bottom is a Sub-Zero wine unit. Above the wine is a Miele built-in coffee system and above the coffee maker looks like the Miele speed oven. Incidentally we have a Miele coffee system in our showroom and it makes an incredible cup of coffee. In the far left corner, we get glimpse of the refrigerator, but I don’t have enough information to identify what brand it is. I think it would be very safe to assume Viking or Sub-Zero and most likely Sub-Zero because the wine unit is a Sub.
Step right up, Charlie! Isn’t he the PERFECT choice to put in the celebrity kitchen series? It’s like he posed for this picture knowing that one day The Kieffer’s Guy would write about his kitchen. I could devote about 10,000 words to his “winning” ways. I mean, he fits the definition of celebrity train wreck. Between making movies; doing drugs; hiring prostitutes; tweeting; and starring in TV shows, I can’t imagine he has time to cook. I was actually really surprised to find out that he has real appliances in his kitchen. I always imagined his kitchen looked like this:
Instead, his kitchen looks like this:
When you’re made of Adonis DNA, I guess you’re permitted to hang your hood WELL above normal installation parameters and decorate with a hideous cowhide rug. Please, please, please don’t hang your hood that high above your range. Doing so gives more space for the smoke to spread around your kitchen rather than be sucked up through the hood. Speaking of the hood, I can’t tell what brand it is. What I can tell you is that it’s a pro-style 48” wide hood. The range, however, is a different story. Welcome Bertazzoni to the celebrity kitchen series! Chuck is cooking on a 48” Bertazzoni range with a griddle. For those not familiar with Bertazzoni, it’s an Italian company based in Guastalla. Although they’ve been around for over a century, they were made available in the U.S. in 2007. They do a good job of mixing a pro look with a modern European look. Fun fact about Bertazzoni: they use the same painting factory as Ferrari. True story. If you get a colored range from them it basically means you’re buying a Ferrari. Bertazzoni; however, isn’t priced like Ferrari’s.
For the life of me, I can’t tell what brand of refrigerator he has. I just can’t get a good look at it, but I can tell you that he has Miele dishwasher (pictured on the right next to the sink). What’s my favorite part of this kitchen you ask? The stone floor. How sweet is that?
Needless to say, Kieffer’s Appliances sells all of the products I’ve mentioned, so come on in and let me make you a cup of coffee from our Miele coffee system. I’ll talk your ear off. Until next time, America!
-The Kieffer’s Guy